Sunday, April 28, 2013

Ted Nugent, I Do Not Want Your Donuts, Or Cat Scratch Fever, Thank You.

Last night, Tyler and I saw Styx, REO Speedwagon, and Ted Nugent.  Styx and REO Speedwagon were fantastic, and really they're the ones who deserve to have a post written about them.

But unfortunately for them, Ted Nugent was so hilariously fucking AWFUL that he takes the comedy cake.

Comedy Cake

First off, everyone knows his songs.  Cat Scratch Fever, Just What the Doctor Ordered, etc.  They're not amazing.  But he definitely thinks they are, so that was entertaining.

His set was funny too.  It was him, his band, and a screen in the background that changed 3 or 4 times during the show.  From something like this:

Ted Nugent banner american flag something like this:

Ted Nugent banner flames something like this:

Ted Nugent banner smoke


Then there were the rants.  He was in Virginia, who is pretty well-known for being protective of her guns.  So he felt comfortable to ramble about guns and hunting and how it was okay if we all choose not to shoot deer, because he kills enough for all of us.

He got cheers of support for some of it, like his general "yay guns" statements.  But it was nothing more than a mutter through the crowd by the time he got to bragging about all his crazy-ass deer-murdering.

Ted Nugent hunter gun crossbow
Actual picture.

He seemed to really hate the French, which is pretty stereotypically a right-wing 'merican thing.  I never totally understood why, either--they're the people who helped us BECOME America, you know?  I was a little surprised he didn't hate on Canada too, while he was at it.

He also remarked that there were only crackers in the crowd, and then talked about how black people invented all the best music, and even finished one song with a shout of "Black power!"  It seemed like a desperate attempt to prove that despite thinking the country would be better off if the South had won the civil war and that apartheid was complicated because not all men are really created equal, he really liked black people deep down.

Grumpy Ted Nugent
"What are you talking about, I am SO loving!  Just look at this face!"

Some other gems I've found that popped right out of Ted Nugent's crazy-ass mouth:

"I'm not in the leftist controlled Rock and Roll Hall of Fame because of my political views, primarily my lifelong militant support of the NRA, the Second Amendment, and my belief that the only good bad guy is a dead bad guy."

...not because your music sucks?

"What's a feminist? Some fat pig who doesn't get it often enough?" do YOU ever get it???  DO you ever get it? I'm a feminist and I get it absolutely as much as I please, thank you.  In fact, getting it as much as I please is PART of being a feminist.  You dick-kicker.

"I'm like a black Jew at a Nazi klan rally." this supposed to mean you stand out in a crowd?  Why use this example and not, say, a banana in the orange bin?  Chewbacca at a Stark Trek convention?  A white hair in a black guy's pubes? 

"…Yeah they love me (in Japan) — they’re still assholes. These people they don’t know what life is. I don’t have a following, they need me; they don’t like me they need me…  Foreigners are assholes; foreigners are scum; I don’t like ‘em; I don’t want ‘em in this country; I don’t want ‘em selling me doughnuts; I don’t want ‘em pumping my gas; I don’t want ‘em downwind of my life-OK? So anyhow, and I’m dead serious…"

...hey.  HEY.  TED NUGENT, I'M TALKING TO YOU.  You are an asshole, YOU are scum, I don't like you, I don't want you in this country, I don't want you selling me doughnuts, I don't want you pumping my gas, I don't want you downwind of my life (just my farts)--OK?

Donut Stand

I Don't Want Your Donut, Ted Nugent


  1. Haha I love your illustration :)
    This guy sounds like SO MUCH FUN. Note my sarcasm.

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