I've Created a Monster! 'Cause Nobody Wants To See Samantha No More, They Want Jill, I'm Chopped Liver...

I was just about to type out "guess who's back?" and then I got Without Me by Eminem stuck in my head and realized I still know way too many of the words.  And the little bits of music in the background.  And the exact inflection with which he pronounces each word.

Sigh.

I was such a cool 11-year-old.

Anyway, guess where I am right now?  THAT'S RIGHT.  Outskirts of Charleston, South Carolina.  I currently sit in my tiny but adorable room in my beautiful house, with my window hanging wide open, the porch swing outside my window rocking gently in the breeze, the birds chirping, and a nice cup of cowboy coffee sitting next to me.

What's that you say?  It's March, and my window is open?  Why, I am aware.  But you see, in Charleston it's not unheard of for it to be in the 70's in March.  WHICH IT IS.  Yup, 75 and balmy.  You jelly, bro?

I appear to have stepped off that tiny, terrifying little plane into another world, though.  I live only about a mile from town, so since my car hasn't gotten here yet I decided yesterday to walk to the shops to run my errands.  It was raining a little, but it was warm so totally not a big deal.  I'm from Portland.  Rain is part of life there, you just...get wet.  Whatevs.  So I went.

Over the half hour it took me, I was honked at 6 times (most of them the "ooh, hot girl!" kind), asked if I needed a ride 5 times (some of them like they thought I was stranded and some of them like they thought I was a prostitute), offered a poncho by a nice man gardening at a restaurant I passed, and asked "hey baby, what's up?" by a crowd of scrawny teenage boys.

That's more propositioning/pity than I received in at least 6 months in Portland, and it was in half an hour.

Clearly, no one walks here.

Also, everyone drives SUVs or pickup trucks.  Like, everyone.  And I get that more people around here will have a need for one (farmers, contractors, etc), but trust me when I say that a LOT of them don't.  I'm sure it has something to do with penises, although I don't see what the big deal is.  I have a tiny vagina, and while that can be frustrating sometimes, I don't try to compensate for it with large vehicles, with obscene and showy muscles, or by shooting small animals.  I just...don't see the correlation.

This weekend I'll get to go downtown again, which will be good.  It's slightly better there.  By better I mean the kind of place where I get fewer weird looks for my hair.

Oh yeah.  My hair is blue.  Kinda.  I sort of botched the dye job, so it's this shitty, seaweed-like streaky mess of blue, blue-green, and orangey brown.  I should really just include a picture.

 

This is the least terrible picture of it that I've managed to get so far.  Probably because you can barely see the color.

Yeah.  Sore thumb.

More later, guys.  Thanks for sticking with me even though I basically vanished for like 2 weeks.  :)

Side note: I tried to tag this post with "penises" and "vaginas" (see below), and it turns out I've NEVER tagged anything with those words before.   ...You guys know me.  Doesn't that seem odd to you??  It sure did to me.  Note to self: remember to mention penises and vaginas more.  Clearly I'm failing at the mind-like-a-13-year-old boy thing.

*