Soooo....this place has banana spiders.
Do y'all know what a banana spider is? I won't include a picture because I'm nice (and also too much of a pussy to google that shit), but I will give you a brief summary:
They are huge.
They are nasty.
They have really long, stripey legs.
They are ugly as fuck.
They will eat your childhood and your dreams and your ability to love.
The terror I felt upon hearing this was comparable to what you might feel upon hearing that a swarm of killer bees was living in your closet, and had a grudge against you for shoving your old high school trombone onto their nest, and was planning to attack you in your sleep one night. Except worse, because BEES AREN'T SPIDERS.
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| Seriously. Try and tell me one isn't more deeply, hauntingly horrifying than the other. |
Also, my roommate called me a "whoreasaurus rex" yesterday. Probably he doesn't remember it. I found it hilarious, and I'm pretty sure he was actually just happy I was laid back about sex, but I might fuck with him a little and pretend to be offended. I haven't decided yet.
I have to disagree with you. Bees are way worse. I've written a few posts on my absoute terror of bees/wasps/anything black and yellow (Pittsburgh Steelers included).
ReplyDeleteEveryone has their thing. I can see what you mean about bees.
DeleteHowever, I think we may have to agree to disagree here. Spiders are the bane of humanity. They are wrong; they are everything horrible about the universe...I think some ancient saw a spider and that's where the idea of the devil was born.
It depends. Are we talking about orb-weavers:
ReplyDeletehttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golden_silk_orb-weaver
Or garden spiders:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Argiope_aurantia
The former is actually poisonous and should be avoided; the latter just looks menacing but are actually great for dealing with summer mosquitoes.
tl;dr: If they look bulbous, you're okay. If they're thin and have red bands on their legs, as well, you might have a bit of trouble.
I refuse to click on either of those links, sir. Due to being a total and undeniable wuss.
DeleteAlso, you're very quick to respond to all my posts, which is rare and quite a compliment. Do I know you? If not, it is nice to meet you. I'm Sam. I'm arachnophobic, fairly funny, and apparently, a whoreasaurus.
Ideal Answer: It was completely random and I was drawn to your posts from space
DeleteReal Truth: I saw your OKC profile while browsing a few nights ago, said "Neat", plugged your name into Google and saw you had a blog, thus "Double Neat". Reminds me of the good ol' days back when I used to run a blog and before FB consumed my online life (which is a damned shame in retrospect).
But yes, you don't need to check the links. Just make a mental note that if it's a "fat spider" that it's much less threatening than the "thin version".
Wait wait wait.
DeleteYou found me on Ok Cupid. You plugged...my name in? Into Google? Meaning my username? Which is probably somewhere on my Blogger account, sure. That follows. And then you found my blog and commented on all my posts.
But you didn't message me on Ok Cupid? I'm confused.
This is weird, by the way. This clash of worlds. I'd message you privately but I have no idea who you are.
My general experience with messaging people on OKC has been rather...meh. I find I learn a lot more about people from actually checking them out on, say, Facebook or El Jay or Blogger. That and usually people check their OKCs about once in a decade, so...
DeleteYes, it's a little unorthodox but I believe in being fair / not being a complete creeper -- Plug in "crtrue" on either FB/OKC.
Weird. Super weird.
DeleteI'm not sure how I feel about this yet, although you DID read my blog and are still not horrified by me, despite being a Charlestonian. So that's a good sign.
Yeah, well, I could have just lied instead. I was thinking, "This sounds obnoxiously creepy" as I wrote the above, but I'd rather be honest.
DeleteAnd honestly? I'm just looking for good insights and good conversation, of which you seem to be full of both. People around here love to talk, but it all seems to be a lovely pile of the same ol' thing...
I Googled it, and it is disgusting.
ReplyDeleteWow that is a really great name he came up with, i like.
ReplyDeleteone of my biggest fears is I wake up in my apartment one morning and there is a bug on me!
oh please be offended for a little bit, this sounds like a great opportunity to mess with him...and a great story for us!
ReplyDeleteWHY DID I GOOGLE BANANA SPIDERS?
ReplyDelete