I Don't Deserve Shorts, Apparently.

Fuck the mall.  Fuck the fashion industry.  Fuck America, and fuck summer.

I might have thighs, but damn it, they're sexy.  And I'm actually in pretty decent shape.  I'm small and cute, and have good taste--shouldn't it be easy for me to find clothes?

I'm finding it difficult not to ramble, because I'm furious.  I'm furious that I woke up this morning feeling beautiful and sexy, but now feel like a cow.  I'm furious that I tried on 20 different pairs of shorts in two different department stores and didn't find one thing that came even close to flattering my body.  I'm furious that this happened to me, who is far below average size, and therefore it must be happening to the majority of other women as well.

This is the kind of bullshit that makes me want to learn how to sew, so I can make my own fucking clothes.  And who the hell decided that size 0-4 with skinny legs and a tiny little butt was normal?  That body type is darling, of course, but it's only one body type.  And frankly, not a very common one.

I shouldn't feel like shit for not being that body type, and neither should anyone else.  I deserve clothes too.  I'm sorry for ranting--I'm bitter about this, and being furious is what helps the hurt.  So fuck the mall.  I'll wear skirts all summer, or learn to make my own shorts.  I refuse to put myself through this anymore.  I'd like to go to bed feeling the same way about my body as I did waking up.

IT'S COMICS DAY!!!!!!

And that means you, my readers, have to get involved!!!!

I will share a few of my favorites, and give you one of my own, and then you post in the comments with some links to your favorites, or if you have your own to submit, email them to me and they might make it into the blog!!!


:D

Here are links to some of my favorites:


Cyanide & Happiness


White Ninja


Hyperbole & A Half (anything at all by Allie Brosh, actually)



And here is an original.  It's not very good.  But humor me, and pretend to laugh, okay?

Yes, I'm Writing One Of Those Grammar Nazi Posts. So Sue Me.

I'm not going to rant about semicolons, or apostrophes, or the proper use of their/they're/there.  Frankly, I'm too exhausted.

It's one thing to not know how to properly use all the fancy bells and whistles of English.  Seriously, I only know like 3 people who know how to use who/whom.  And, some people have legitimate issues with spelling--those with dyslexia in particular.  But come on, people.  We can't even get our own slang right?

Slang words people get wrong:


1. Y'all.

It's "y'all," short for "you all."  It was made up by some dude in the South who was like "Dang nab it, them Mexicans have a word for all of you, and all we got is 'you.'  That don't clarify the point at all.  We oughter come up with our own slang fer that'n.  How 'bout 'y'all?' "  And thus it was born.

You dishonor that man's memory every time you write "ya'll."  His ghost will eat you if you ever do it again.


2. Awesome.

It's "awesome."  Not "awsome," "awsom" or "awsum."  Because you are full of awe.  There's an e in there, you guys.  There is.


3. Hot.

When one describes another person as attractive in this day and age, the common term seems to be, almost exclusively, "hot."  Which, if you'll recognize it, is also a word that means "very warm, such as Arizona in August" or "very spicy, such as this chili pepper I am eating" or sometimes even "very much freshly stolen, such as that TV I just sold you." And it is spelled h-o-t.  Very simple.  I have NO IDEA who decided to add the extra t to make it "hott," but it sounds like those girls on Facebook who add extra letters to the end of everythinggg.  Seriously guys.  Like for real.  Please don't do ittt.



4. Escape, Especially, etc.

This one is more misspoken than misspelled, but I can't tell you how often I've heard "Ex-cape" and "Ex-pecially."  THESE ARE INCORRECT.  There is no x.  Not one.


5. A lot.

It's two words, you guys.  A lot.  Just...please.

Please.


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