1. George Washington did not have wooden teeth.
|George Washington's actual dentures. From MountVernon.org.|
They were, however, made of just about everything else.
2. Speaking of GW, that whole cherry tree story is total bullshit.
3. Thomas Jefferson did not have a whole plethora of slave children. That was a lie made up at the time by his political rivals.
|Don't you let them talk bad about you, you strange, badass little man, you.|
4. Neither Benjamin Franklin nor Samuel Adams held the office of President. If you think that sounds obvious, check out this Google result:
|It's NUMBER TWO. It's before people asking about THOMAS JEFFERSON.|
5. Thomas Jefferson did not write--or sign--the Constitution, nor the Bill of Rights. You're thinking of the Declaration of Independence. This is the most popular myth at the National Constitution Center.
6. Benjamin Franklin did not discover electricity. It was well known by then. He was trying to prove the electrical nature of lightning.
|What is that kid reaching for? Trying to get a little extra "charge" out of his love life?|
7. Paul Revere didn’t say “The British are coming,” he didn’t ride alone, and he in fact only made it as far as Lexington where he was held up by the British. Another rider continued on to Concord.
|From Cheezeburger.com. It's funny, but...just...you should know, he wasn't going FOR Boston. He was going FROM Boston. People are dumb, but also clever, so what can you do.|
8. Last (but certainly not least), July 4th is not the day we gained our independence, or even the day the Declaration was signed.
July 4, 1776 was the day the Declaration was formally adopted (it wasn’t signed by most of them until August). We did not gain our independence until September 3, 1783 when the Treaty of Paris was signed.
|Painting by David Wagner|
It's too bad I felt the need to go over these things, guys, but in my defense, this is the kind of thing I'm up against here:
|This American knows just how weather works.|
|Nothing more patriotic than smashing a flag against your genitals.|
|A deep understanding of both the Constitution and the role of religion in the establishment of it.|
|No fucking words.|
...and this crazy-ass bitch (which, trust me, is putting it mildly. I can think of several much more colorful things to call her but I am currently showing self-restraint)...
...whom I am neither tagging nor naming (in type) because I hate her so much I don't even want to give her the search engine buzz.
And special thanks to bradblog.com for several of the images. :)